Growing up I always had a diary… I was always writing down my thoughts and feelings about my day. I filled those pages with every thought came to mind. (I still have some of my diaries and when I die, I need for them to be put in the casket with me… I AM TAKING ALL OF THEM TO THE GRAVE!!!!!!!!!!)
I have always loved writing… and now I understand why. Through my writings I feel the closest to God. My writings are like my prayers… my conversations with God. As a child I didn’t understand why I wanted to write, I just knew that after I wrote it down I felt better.
In 2016 I started counseling because my “sh*t” was getting bigger than the “cat”, so I had to get rid of the “cat”. I love counseling, it is my sanctuary… counseling is where I can release all of my feelings and emotions without any pretenses or biases.
Counseling started out great… I was releasing and exposing all that was in me that was poisoning my thoughts about me, my worth, my value, and my place in the world. But then it got a little rough, because not only was I exposing my skeletons and demons, but I had to face them as well. What I have learned through counseling is that if I was going to expose my demons, I had to be ready to face them. Exposing my demons was starting to get to me and I felt like I was getting weaker… the moments in time where my demons lived started to play over and over in my mind like a movie. I knew I had to release those thoughts because if I didn’t, I would have had to go to the psychiatric ward, or my momma would’ve been burying me. So, I bought a journal and filled those empty pages with my thoughts.
Fast forward to 2018… my sister passed away and then my dad passed away on top of me dealing with my own demons… I didn’t sleep during that time… my mind raced constantly… I did not have any peace in my mind, body, soul, heart, or spirit. I had to do something that was going to make me feel ok (I wasn’t even worried about peace… I just wanted to be ok) My mind, body, soul, heart, and spirit were getting whipped on a daily and I was to the point where I had taken all that I could take. When I was just about to give up on myself and life, God reminded me of my love for writing. God reminded me of the peace I experienced when I saw my words on paper.
I began writing… I began to write my deepest dark secrets on a clean white canvas… AND THUS THE CHIC EDUCATOR, LLC’s BLOG SITE WAS CREATED.
I began sharing my words with the world because I felt like God was telling me that there were some folks that needed to know that someone else was/is going through and/or went through the same struggles as them. I felt as if God charged me to be a light that shined brightly on the importance of mental wellness. Now if you know me then you know that I am a very private person… I do not share my life with just anyone, so you know it had to be a word from God that led me to believe that sharing my dark places will somehow bring light to the world. Sharing my defeats and triumphs with the world meant that I had to learn to be vulnerable… AND LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING… THAT WAS AND STILL IS HARD FOR ME TO DO… IT ALMOST TOOK ME OUT 😩.
November 2018, I published my first blog post for the world to read… THE SHIPS OF LIFE… I was so scared when I posted that blog post because I didn’t know if folks would even read it… and if they read it, I was afraid of what they might say… the love I received after sharing my first blog post was so amazing and I am forever grateful and humbled.
But it is time I say goodbye to writing blog posts about my struggles with depression and anxiety… THE ASSIGNMENT IS COMPLETE!
I showed up in the world as Lindsey J. Johnson… no mask, no makeup, not costume… I showed up in the world as my broken, raggedy self and I felt the best I had ever felt in my life.
I believe that God was waiting on me to understand and accept the assignment given to me. Because I accepted the assignment… kicking and screaming… I was able to SET IN MOTION the thoughts of healing for others, giving them the strength to begin their journey… some even began counseling. Me sharing my soul with you all gave me the confidence that I needed to slay most of my giants and for that I am forever indebted.
I am not saying goodbye to writing… I am only saying goodbye to writing about my pain and demons… I AM A WRITER… PERIODT… it’s one of the best ways “I believe” I connect with God… but God is pushing me in another direction with my writing and I cannot wait to share it with you all.
My platform on mental health awareness remains the same… I am “forever” a mental health advocate. I will still share my journey with you all because I know this new assignment will have its challenges… but this assignment is COMPLETE.
Thank you all from the bottom of my heart for the love and support you have shown me… I do not take that for granted… I am still on my healing journey… I am still in counseling every month fighting new and some of the same demons… but it is time that I begin my new writing assignment.
2022 has so much in-store for The Chic Educator, LLC’s brand… I am scared and excited at the same time… stay tuned😉!
I love you all!
I cannot believe that I am saying goodbye 🥺
The Chic Educator 🍎